wasabi peas

pepto pink cup and pitcher

Steel's in a noticing and commenting phase. She started the weekend by getting into bed with us and saying, "Jesse Friedman doesn't talk; he just bounces on his ball." Jesse is autistic, and I've been wondering when my kids were going to notice. We haven't been to Jesse's house in a while; she's been mulling that over for 2 months. Steel asked a woman at the YMCA why she has so many pimples on her face. At a friend animatedly asking questions of Baby Toby, Steel shouted, "SHE DOESN'T TALK!"

It's a shame we all don't say what we're thinking. My friend Martha and her husband have a posse of 4 couples who hang out regularly. They cook fancy food and take too long to do it, so they're all drinking for hours on empty stomachs. Things get out of hand from what I've heard. At the end of the most recent night Martha teetered into the bathroom while the hostess finished with the last of the dishes. Everyone had gone. Martha is excruciatingly gorgeous. She was squinting at herself in the mirror. It appeared that one of her nipples was erect and off center. She's a modest person, so for her to wear a tight, cute top was a stretch, but she had. After some excavating, she discovered a wasabi pea had fallen down her shirt and made its way almost to the center of her left breast. She was horrified. She came out holding the pea, bellowing at her friend at the sink. The friend said, "Oh thank God! I've been wondering all night what the hell was wrong with your nipple!"

Martha couldn't live for a minute with the idea that they'd ALL thought she had 1 off-center, perpetually erect nipple and none of them had said anything. She texted everyone, "That was NOT my nipple; it was a wasabi pea!" One male immediately responded, "That was NOT my penis; it was a cucumber roll!"

If everyone said what they thought about my work, I'd lose my mind. One of my best friends doesn't like my "pepto pink." I've never forgotten it. I've even gifted him pepto pink bowls to try and change his mind. My husband made the mistake of saying he doesn't like one of our coffee mugs. It plagues me. It works in the converse also. If someone says they like one thing, I assume they don't like everything else.

Somehow the weekend ended with Jack Peter and Steel naked outside on the landing pretending to shoot passers by. There was a huge gay pride event in our neighborhood. If everyone said what they were thinking, I'm sure I'd have heard more than once, "What a shame those two little white trash, bigoted homophobes get to live in such a cool building."