the BUTT

Everyone has a story of their kid saying something rude about someone to their faces. Mine happened at the YMCA. We were in the bathroom of the women's locker room waiting for Jack Peter to finish pooping. It's embarrassing enough that everyone had to listen to the pooping narrative, but an enormous woman was doing something at the sinks during the process. I was standing at the door of the stall poised with toilet paper in my hand which left Steel to wander. She didn't go too far. She was like a little satellite or moon orbiting the woman at the sink. The woman had one of those gravity-defying rear ends. It was the size of a college dorm room fridge on it's side resting precariously on two traffic cones. The woman was wearing a massive bra and an even huger pair of underwear. Steel murmured, "She has a big butt." I chose to say nothing. The woman let out a low throaty, "uh huh." It was all easy enough for me to ignore until Steel cried, "MOM! I SAID SHE HAS A BIG BUTT!" The woman said, "I like that!" and I sort of laughed nervously and hurried us out.

It's a funny enough story, but it got funnier when the delirious feverish Steel was in my arms 2 weeks later. I had just finished telling her that she was too sick to go to the YMCA to swim. She accepted that news in silence. A few minutes later she said, "Mom? Do you remember the butt at the Y?"